During our hike on Sunday A asked if we could do this every Sunday. Our kids really like going to church, and that is the main reason that we continue to do so regularly. If we ask them who is in their classes, they only really know the kids that they also go to school with. They do not remember much from the Sunday school, except for the silly songs that they heard sung in a Barney voice. What they really get out of it is the routine, and the chance to see Grandparents. So when A asked if we could make it a routine to go hiking on Sundays, my initial thought was “Sure, that would be great!” Now, several days later, I am still not sure about the place of church attendance in our family. If we continue to go, and we feel that it is not actually a spiritual experience, but our kids are led to believe that this is what it means to be Christian, there will come a time when we will have to explain to them why we don’t mind if they keep going, but we are just going to go for a walk. If we decide not to go, and instead decide to do something else, we will be spending more casual-active time with our kids and have good conversations, but they will not get the standard Sunday school education. I know the bias is obvious. So I guess the debate in my head is more about which is more valuable for my kids to have as a basis for their ideas about living out faith.
It might be pretty clear that we do not have tons of strong relationships at church, otherwise there would be a greater pull. We are actually feeling rather displaced (out of place?) and are realizing that we are still the most “at home” when we are not, or when we are with others who are not “at home”. So in this city, where most every one has lived their entire lives within 50 miles of here, we often feel like strangers in a strange land. When we meet folks who are not from here, especially if they are not from the US, we feel comfortable. In the end it gives us an itch. An itch to keep moving, and to feel at home in the change of scenery. We fight it, but there is still something in us that does not want to fight, but just go.
I think I can relate to some of what you are thinking about in regards to church. There was a period of time when I felt like going to church had much more to do with ritual than actual community and enrichment. I chose instead to go to the beach, the park or to a museum on Sundays. I felt a need to be “put in my place” as a human being, to experience God’s creation and to be humbled, rather than to go through the church routines we have decided are most comfortable for our culture. It was a really valuable time, and then enabled me to go back to church with a much greater sense of purpose for building community and worshiping more genuinely while I was there. I think it’s really good to stop and think about why we do what we do, and what is really happening, rather than assuming that what should be happening actually is. I admire you for doing this.
I’ve been, well, confused about church recently. I’ve just grown away from the church we were at. But not going at all (which we were doing) wasn’t right. And now we’re trying the SA FM church, which has some great things about it, but I’m still uncertain about. I suppose it is related to the fact that I have always felt like a stranger at church, as well as at school, at work, and at most social things as well. Hmm. I think I need to start my own blog post on this one.
You know that I struggle with church and God and where I am in the thick of it all. I don’t pretend to know what’s good for you, or your children. I do think, however, that allowing them to get the book learnin’ of church from somewhere that they enjoy, and cultivating a healthy spirit at home, or supplementing the church teachings, would be a benefit to your children.
They may be the generation to turn it all around.
I still can’t bring myself to go to church, I’m still fighting to find my place with God. And I see how that’s hurting my children.
As you know from Mom’s blogs, we’ve had a lot of people living with us lately, Pastor Julie and his family and now three workers, related to Julie. Every evening after dinner, they gather outside on the veranda and sing hymns in Cebuano (the same venerable hymns we grew up knowing) and then have Bible teaching. They find a lot of joy in doing this, which blesses and challenges us. There was a time when we thought we could offer a ‘treat’ by showing a movie once or twice a week, but we don’t do that now, since they get so much more out of these times of worship. I think the key is to enjoy God himself, seeing that’s where real worship is, and be sure to give ourselves and our children plenty opportunity to learn more of him.
Good post. We have been going to a church, mostly because it is close by, for a couple years. We have recently attended another one and I felt like I worshipped for the first time in many, many months, and the message spoke to me. That is where I would rather go, even though it is farther. The other church made me look for reasons not to go. So, maybe you should look around. I know the ‘being the new faces’ aspect is daunting for you both, but it might be worth it. And if what the kids learn in Sunday school is important, I think that would be another reason to shop around, just like you would do for a good school. That’s my thought.
Keeping the Sabbath is devoting a day to rest and to God. It seems like there a lots of ways to do that, and your kids can learn that from you. The routine is definitely beneficial. As they get older they will see Sunday as a day for spiritual focus, which is good. Finding a church that is right can be tough…
I know we are very thankful for the many hours of Christian education that our kids get at Lutheran school. The 40 minutes a week at Sunday school is pretty minimal and is not the most important part of church for them. I think their participation in the service and community of the church is the best thing about our time there on Sunday.
Daniel,
Sounds to me like you need to find a place of community and worship you love. Down at the “Glory of Zion” church in Denton, we found that potential. We’ve only been there once, but were going back. We fell in love with the worship, dancing, tamborines, shofar blowing, and flag waving. I haven’t drummed up enough courage to bring my drum yet, but I’ll get to it. One thing is for sure, it’s not very religious. Abigail is dying to get in on the flag waving action during worship. What I love about it there is that it is like combining the heart and mind into a type of “David’s dance.” It’s not all worship, but it really does take us from a human institution to a divine encounter through the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, and that’s what I love. Just a suggestion: try a pentecostal church as a cultural experiment and see what happens.
There are many ways to educate your children on Biblical teaching besides Sunday School. And if your kids can’t remember the point from week to week they’re obviously not getting much teaching out of it. Your kids love to read, there are many Children’s bibles to give them the “book learnin’” if that’s what you’re really looking for.
I’ve never lived overseas, but have moved several times in the my life, so I know your restless feeling. I was homesick for Colorado just today. The question I would be asking is how does God want you to be growing right now? Is your growing edge on staying put? In Michigan? At church? Or is it to grow into a new community? A new church? I obviously don’t know the answer. And it may not even be the right question, it’s just what comes to mind. There’s one young couple in Jackson who hopes you stick around for a good long time.
Thank you for all the comments. Although I do struggle with how to provide good spiritual soil for my little seedlings to grow, I am beyond seeking it in a Sunday service. I may return to it someday, but unlike Will and others, I do not find it a place that fosters growth right now. I admit that it probably is more about the current hill in this spiritual hike for me than anything else. I have many questions about the tradition of Sunday service that remain unanswered, but I am now at a point that it does not matter if there are answers. This may be a break, or it may be a new direction. Either way, it is the way that seems best for continued growth.
I think the stories and object lessons only go so far in forming ideas in those little minds. The kids and I are always talking about how the world works, and God pops into conversation almost as often as dragons, and the water cycle. The stories we find in the Bible, and the implications for the world are a part of our everyday conversation. I know that the life I model for them, and the love I show them will tell them far more about the Gospel than sitting through 45 minute activities once or twice a week.
I also know that routines with meaning are important, not because they actually are important in themselves, but because they should be reminders of important ideas. I think that our culture has stripped away the meaning behind routines, and many churches have done the same. I want my kids to relate prayer at meals to the words of Jesus: “Do this in remembrance of me”, and what he did, not just something we have to do before we eat. I want communion with Christ to be an everyday event, still pregnant with meaning. This is part of the problem I have when I am in a Sunday service. Sometimes so much effort is put into creating an experience, that the meaning is lost. The experience in the service often upstages the original meaning. What I desire is a life that is full of meaning everyday. For me, Sunday should not be any different, yet the rush, the obligations, the expectations, and the lack of meaning make it the low point of the week. Again, this is my experience, and I admit that it has more to do with my own spiritual wranglings than the church.
One last thought. As a person I am reserved. The ways that I express myself are reserved. I worship in reserved ways, not because I don’t like the other ways, but because that is how I am best able to worship. I have been to all sorts of churches ranging from Charismatic to KJV Baptist. The type of church, or method of worship is not an issue for me. The difficulty is in the connectedness with others. Even though I can stand next to you and sing, it does not mean that I can relate to you afterward. We are finding that our values and direction are not shared, and they are so contrary to our culture that we are not even sure how to communicate them. We could “shop around”, but it is not a church/worship style issue, it is one of culture. We are nomadic global refugees without a homeland, and I have a feeling that a new church isn’t going to help.
I will continue to set aside a day for awareness and reflection, and I will continue to express my love for God in ways that are natural to me. I will do both with my kids.
I really appreciate your quiet, deep reflection on this topic. While only God truly knows and judges your actions, it seems to me you’re asking the right questions and seeking with the right attitude. It’s my hope that God will honor your seeking with a rich abundance of Himself for both yourself and your family.