In the last few days I have had the misfortune, during meals, of crunching down hard on itty-bitty rocks in my rice. They are beastly hard to find since they blend in with the hundreds of thousands of grains of rice in the pot and picking them out before cooking is usually met with limited success. I have wondered why Filipinos don’t generally find this a frustration like I do as the best Filipino food I have tasted commonly has bits of rocks, bones or other small items I wouldn’t normally classify as food. I have noticed, finally, that some of my friends have an ingenious way of chewing their food without really putting their teeth together. Viola! No hideous crunching! One friend says that she is shocked when she watches her husband put a huge bite of bangus (fish with tons of tiny bones that English speakers usually call milk-fish) into his mouth and “chew” it by rolling it around until he has used his tongue and teeth to expertly separate out all those tiny bones, and without crunching or choking on them! So now I know there is a method, but I can’t shake this annoying American habit of putting my teeth together when I chew. So of course, I CRUNCH! And then I can’t swallow that bite that is still in my mouth because no matter how hungry I was just seconds earlier, I experience a sudden and total loss of appetite. So here is my weight loss plan to be used in the future if I need to lose a few pounds:
1. Find some relatively clean sand.
2. Wash it a few times and maybe boil it for a half an hour, so that it is completely germ free… cause we don’t really want to lose weight from an illness like amoeba!
3. Put this clean sand in a salt shaker and keep on the table with the salt and pepper. Warn other family members who do not need to lose any weight that they should avoid the sand shaker since… Hey, it adds NOTHING to the flavor!
4. After you dish up your food at meals, sprinkle with a few grains of sand.
5. Bon Appetite! If you mix it in good you might actually get a small portion of food consumed before that hideous crunch and complete loss of appetite.
Well, In the meantime, I think I will still work on perfecting that technique of chewing without my teeth actually touching…. cause I still LOVE the food in this country!